Tears can be good...

I have visited a couple of ladies today, for whom life is very difficult.

For one, her days are spent worrying about her husband, who is in hospital. He has not had a full diagnosis and therefor no prognosis. She is eating very little and is constantly tired. I have visited her a couple of times now and it is clear to see how lost she is without her man and her routine. They did everything together.

When someone is ill it is very easy to show care and concern for them, but so often its those around them that struggle the most. People visit the hospital to see the sick but forget the loved ones at home. And yet they are the ones who have to answer the phone and deal with the questions they have no answer too. They are the ones who have to hold it all together whilst worrying.

The other lady is quite elderly, in hospital waiting to be told there is a place in the nursing home of her choice. She is always so cheery, always smiling. That is until today. I commented on her demeanor, her lovely smile. And she crumpled - the tears came. I held her hand and let her cry. She has been putting on a front for everyone. She admitted to feeling fed up. She cant walk but so wants to be mobile again, and yet knows that she wont. She is in hospital 17 miles from her home - detached from her friends. Her sister who is a tower of strength, visits her almost everyday. (And that involves taxis and trains)But she hadnt been today or yesterday because she has a toothache. So my lovely lady, with her lovely smile is on edge (her words). She desperately needs to feel settled. She admitted to feeling teary from time to time - but hasnt told the nurses how she is feeling.

I am glad that I visited these two ladies today. I gave them an ear to listen to their worries, someone to whom they could confide their pain.

One of the challenges I have set myself for my probationary period is to observe/learn/reflect on pastoral care. I wonder about routinely visiting the house/hospital bound, I wonder about whether I am the right person to do this (in that I mean me personally and also me as in 'the Minister'), I wonder about my own feelings of helplesness when confronted by tragic situations. I think today I have started this exploration and that these two lovely ladies have unwittingly helped me so much.....

Lord,
life sometimes seems so unfair,
things pile up and hope can diminish.
Lord,
be with those who need to feel your arms on their shoulders:
the sufferers, the carers, the loved ones.
You are a source of hope and strength,
may they know this and reach to you.
Amen

EDIT: I am just back in from a service for bereaved parents and families. It was lovely; so gentle I was moved to tears. The people there were not just the usual faces (infact few 'usual' faces were there) but some who come because this annual service is an important part of their preparation for the festive season. It was a space where tears were allowed to flow unhindered, a place where a shared grief could be expressed. It is so important to remember that not everyone can give in to the real joy of Christmas. Instead some come in hope that one day the pain will be less.