Feeling Blah & Letting Go.........

I have been feeling really 'blah' this week. Full of the cold - one minute feeling fine, the next washed out. Thankfully I have not done much probationary stuff other than turn for office hours, prepare lunchtime worship, lead lunchtime worship and oh yes! endure presbytery. In between that I have rehearsed with the 'Orchestra' for the school's production of Calamity Jane and last night we did had the first performance and tonight the second and final. I also helped welcome the new CEO to the youth project I am involved in.

This last 'activity' has caused me a wee bit stress. We had the interviews a few weeks ago and decided to appoint a very enthusiastic person, who in the space of 2 weeks has been appointed, moved up from Lanarkshire and started work yesterday. So I have been in constant contact, advising and helping where I can - doing my best to make his move smooth and his welcome warm. But that's not the cause of the stress. The stress comes from realising that I have to let go. For the last 5/6 years I have been heavily involved in the setting up of a youth project in my home town. Its not a church project and doesn't have a 'Christian' slant. It simply grew out of a wish of the young people to have somewhere in the centre of town where they could hang out.

A small group of us got together and worked with the young people and in November 2003 the project opened its doors. It has not all been plain sailing and we have had our run ins with the authorities (planning departments!!! grrr!!!) and the neighbours (young people can be noisy!) but we have also built up some fantastic relationships with the police and other interested agencies. The project has grown dramatically recently - we own two buildings - a former function suite where the main project is based and a cafe that is run as a training facility for young people.

We employ a range of support workers - from mental health, employability and a intensive support. A new addictions project for young people had just started working out of our building. So just about any issue a young person can present with, we have someone to help. But the project has simply got too big for a group of volunteer directors, who all have full time jobs, to manage on their own. Hence the CEO. (I have taken it as read that you understand the joys of funding youth projects and the work involved to keep funding in place for all these posts!) I am the only member of the Board left who was their at the beginning - or as I put it to the new CEO yesterday - I was there at the conception and now find myself handing control of the baby over to someone I don't know that well and I am having to trust them to continue to nurture it and look after it. HENCE THE STRESS!

I thought this moment would be one of relief, but instead I am like a worried parent with a kid off on a school trip. I know that ultimately I am still part of the Board which ultimately has the control, but I had been doing the day to day management. I was the one the staff relied on, the one holding it all together. Its hard letting go. But it has to be done - as part of this and in fairness to the CEO and the project I asked for someone else to be their line manager and thankfully someone volunteered!

As well as being on the Board I am also a volunteer at our friday drop-in. So I will still be heavily involved. But I say it again - letting go is hard.

This really is a very exciting time for our project - our vision of a one stop shop for young people is being fulfilled. And the young people are the important ones in all this. I have seen lives turned round by the work we do. I have seen young people grow into confident young women and men because of what we do. I have seen homeless young people settled into tenancies with our help. I have seen young people secure their first proper job with our help. I have seen young people work through some pretty heavy personal and health issues with our help. I have seen young people smile and laugh and we did that.

So often young people are written off - I am glad to be part of something that writes no one off and see each and everyone young person and important.