First of the lasts.....

It was my turn to lead the lunchtime worship today. Because I was leading worship elsewhere on Sunday - I simply slimmed down the hour to a half hour for today - I really put little effort into it.

But that didn't bother me too much because I liked the message - that in all the hustle and bustle of our Christmas traditions we forget the real anticipation of Advent and close ourselves off the work of the Spirit as a result.

Just before the service was about to start I suddenly realised this was the last time I would lead this particular group of people in worship. I was quite a realisation. I have really enjoyed being part of the lunchtime worship - usually coming along even if I wasn't leading. They are a diverse group - some people who turn up to all worship, some fitting it into their lunch hour, for others this is their weekly service. We have our lunch together first and then move into worship. There is always a real sense of fellowship - and quite often people are squeezed in tight. But no one minds.

This coming week is quite busy with worship prep and leading - but in there I have to find time to say some farewells. I also have some people I need to see to say thank you to, for being part of my support group. They have been great - quietly supporting me - always there if I needed them and that is despite having to deal with quite difficult personal tragedy and illness. Each one of them has had something to deal with.

Tomorrow is another 'last' - my last time in the office with the whole team. I will probably be handing back my office keys too. But then we are off out for our 'Office Christmas Lunch' - really looking forward to that.

A week of lasts is ahead - but I am glad to being doing it in this Advent time - as we anticipate the coming of Jesus, I am also anticipating a new adventure in the New Year..... and trusting the Spirit to be there to guide me.

Interesting times.....

After my wibble wobbles of a couple of weeks ago I am feeling a lot more settled and more clear about the direction I am going. I have stopped snooping and made some decisions!

Yesterday was a big day - I took the services at two churches not connested with my placement (thank you to those who helped sort this!) and representatives of three vacancy committees were there. (There were meant to be four but I wasnt aware of anyone from the fourth being there). It was a nerve racking morning topped off by having lunch and an 'informal'chat with one of the committees who had been there.

Everything seemed to go well though and my services were well received.

This week I am meeting with two Interim Moderators (Ministers appoint by the church to oversee vacant churches)- it will be an interesting week. Things could move very quickly or in typical Church of Scotland style move slllooowwwlllyyy. We will just have to wait and see!

Reality Strikes!

confused,
excited,
scared,
pursued,
happy,
questioning,
uncertain,

I am a mixed bag of emotions at the moment - it has been a busy few weeks and I really haven't had much time to reflect on what is happening at the moment. I am trying really hard to take one step at a time - but things/others are really not letting that happen. Today is the first day in over a fortnight when I have really had time on my own and the peace to work through how I am feeling - and the list above just about covers it.

I really am loving my placement at the moment - so much going on and so much to be involved in. And I really do feel part of it all. But I know that just around the corner change is about to happen - change that keeps peeking round the corner at ME! As much as I have resisted peeking round that particular corner - it keeps peeking at me. If it were just me that was affected then I might be dealing with it a bit better but it affects so many people...people I love....people I don't even know...

Argh!!!

Lord,
I am so trying to hear your voice amidst the noise,
help me get rid of the tinnitus distracting me,
help me work through your plan,
keep those I love close to me,
let them see that they are important.
This is my prayer.
Amen

An Invitation

"This is the table,
not of the Church, but of the Lord.
It is to be made ready
for those who love him
and who want to love him more."

These are the opening words of the invitation I extended this lunchtime to those gathered to celebrate Holy Communion.

There are many things that you experience as a candidate for ministry and as a probationer but the opportunity to take a whole Communion service is usually not one of them. Communion is a Sacrament and as such, in the Church of Scotland, you must be ordained to 'do' them. Today I was very fortunate as my supervisor and the minister had agreed that I could lead the service and that my supervisor would 'do' the bits I could not.

The shape and form of the service was left to me and I chose to base it on one of the liturgies in Common Order (Church of Scotland book of suggested/approved formats). I deliberately chose to stick with a traditional format as I wanted to be be left with something I would use again in my own ministry and I acknowledged that the likelihood would be that my 'first' communion would be at a regular service.

And so it was that I opened with the words above. I had realised that this was a special moment - but it wasn't until I opened my mouth and started to speak that I realised just how extraordinary it was.

My supervisor in welcoming everyone, explained that I would be leading the service and that it was special moment - he highlighted that I had now been with the congregation for 11 months and that my time was drawing to a close. (I know I still have 4 months - but the end of the year is in sight - our preaching plan is all drawn up!)

Saying the words, breaking the bread, serving my supervisor and the elders was very moving and nerve wracking. (note to self....bread first!)But it felt so right - that feeling of call may sometimes dim but it is burning bright today.

Take this moment

Take this moment, sign and space;
take my friends around;
here among us make the place
where your love is found.

Take the time to call my name,
take the time to mend
who I am and what I’ve been,
all I’ve failed to tend.

Take the tiredness of my days,
take my past regret,
letting your forgiveness touch
all I can’t forget.

Take the little child in me,
scared of growing old;
help him here to find his worth
made in Christ’s own mould.

Take my talents, take my skills,
take what’s yet to be;
let my life be yours, and yet,
let it still be me.

We sang these verses this morning in church accompanied by the band that I play in. The words resonate with me tonight. It was our monthly All Age Worship and also the designated worship service for a brass music festival. It fell to me to lead the worship and I did so along with playing in the band.

I have been part of this band since I was wee - as I told everyone when introducing the band, when I joined the band my legs barely touched the floor when I sat in my chair!! (So I have been a part of the band for a long, long time!!!!)
The band have never heard or seen me 'do what I do.' And I think this was why I was more than a little apprehensive about the service - I didn't get to sleep until after 3am last night.

But you know, this was one of the best services I have ever led. It all went very smoothly - the band played well, everyone engaged with what was going on and there was a real sense of the Holy Spirit moving in the church.

There was something special about today - I was nervous - not something I am often bothered with these days. But as I travelled home I realised that actually, maybe worship leading is one of my strengths after all. I have always thought that perhaps my gift was in community engagement and outreach - but I have come to realise that during leading worship I come alive. As I have become more confident, I have also become more animated, more fluid, more passionate.

Today was special....and now I am tired and a little emotional but exhilarated, motivated, excited. God does amazing things...and today was one of them.

Take my talents, take my skills,
take what’s yet to be;
let my life be yours, and yet,
let it still be me
Amen!!

Reflective Practitioner? Moi?

Part of the reason for starting this blog was to aid my reflective processes - which is why every so often I indulge in a wee review of what has been happening in the last few months.

Today seems a good time to review. I got word today that I had passed my Church Law essay - which was a relief as I wasn't so sure it was any good - but apparently it was! Passing this means that there remains just one hurdle between me and looking for a charge of my own later this early/early next year. That hurdle being my final review - which should take place late September.

So what of the last few months? Well so far this year I have preached in 3 different countries!!! Who would have thought eh? This NE lass has been to Malta and Rome and preached in both Church of Scotland churches in these countries. If a year ago someone would have suggested this I would have laughed. But I have been and done it! And the experiences were both fantastic.

The trip to Malta came about when my home minister move there to become the Minister at the joint Church of Scotland/Methodist charge in Valletta. Doug - my then minister, had been a huge support to me and it was a real pleasure to be at his induction. It was especially nice to be invited to preach during his first service as the new minister of St Andrew's Valletta.















Rome was just a couple of weeks ago - and it really was quite an experience. The CofS in Rome has a church which sits in amongst a lot of Government Buildings (the Ministry of Defence is just across the road!) The church has a small apartment for visiting clergy etc which sits on top of the church on the roof terrace,the view from which is just awesome. The congregation are just wonderful and made us feel so welcome. We helped out with some outreach work they do for the refugee community in Rome - 500 packed lunches are made up and distributed every week.

Rome itself is just a fascinating city - one guide book described it as an open air museum and art gallery - and it really is! If you like art and culture then you will love Rome. It is hard to pick a favourite but it would be a toss up between the Trevi Fountain and St Peter's. Incidentally we could see St Peter's from the roof terrace - and spent each evening watch the sun go down over Rome and St Peter's lighting up. All I can say about that is 'wow!'














I feel so fortunate to have had these opportunities - they have given Neil and I so many great memories and I feel quite spoiled by extra opportunities for travel they have afforded us. And my travels this year are not finished - a road trip to London via Manchester in July and a family holiday in Tunisia are still to come....I know - spoiled!!!

I am now more than half way through my probationary placement - and it just gets better and better. I really feel part of things and have a great relationship with everyone that is part of the ministry and staff team. My supervisor from the word go has treated me with respect and trusts me to get on with things - but is always there and willing to share his opinion and advise. This has really helped boost my confidence. The congregation have made me so welcome and genuinely seem to enjoy having me around - something that still takes me by surprise!!

So as I reflect over the last 8 months I have had a ball! I have travelled to new places and made so many new friends. I have faced challenges and met them. I continue to grow as a person.

God truly is amazing - the NE lass is continually taken by surprise at the opportunities he gives me, the way he guides me and the love he showers me with.

Forgotten...

Had fully intended doing a reflection on the last 6 months following my Interim Review today. But instead I am feeling quite fed up. The reason? Well - my review happened with only my supervisor and Presbytery Rep in attendance - no person from HQ- it seems in amongst holiday plans my review was overlooked.

It wasn't that I was worried about my review - I knew what my supervisor had written in his report and was happy with that. And I know everything is going well but I was just left feeling a wee bit overlooked. Petty and needy? Well even us copers needs some affirmation sometimes! I was looking forward to someone from outside to look in and say yes - this is going well. Or if there was something lacking to point it out so it could be addressed.

So if you dont mind, today I just want to be a bit self-indulgent and go.....humph!!!

Long Life

The last couple of weeks have been the busiest of my probation so far - and also the most real.

There have been the school Easter Assemblies, worship leading, pastoral visiting, meetings and more meetings, discussions about cups versus bowls for soup, Guild AGMs and this week a real highlight - I met the neice and nephew of a man whose funeral I am taking on Tuesday next week. A highlight because I have the priviledge of doing a funeral of a man who lived to the grand age of 99! There is of course sadness in his passing and he was so close to that landmark 100th birthday. But what a celebration too - 99 years of mostly good health and independence.

My great granny was 96 when she died - she too lived a mostly independent life and I have great memories of visiting her and munching the pancakes that she would bake for us - and of her sweetie bowl from which, if we were good, we were allowed to take a sweet on the way out. She was a grand old lady and I so glad that I knew her. her life story was amazing, starting in Norway and ending up in Ballater via Oregan in the US. It was whilst in Oregan that she met my great granddad - a scot. Apparently it is from my great granny that I get my colouring - although not sure I am very grateful of the freckles! I would like to know more about her and for some reason I feel an affinity to her.

I wonder what lies ahead...will I live into my nineties? Do I want to? mmmm....


Naeroy Vally - Norway

Fitting right in.

Been thinking I should take some time to reflect on how probation is going. And do you know? I think it is going just fine.

In the run up to Christmas, although I was enjoying myself, I felt I wasn't busy enough and was a little concerned that I wasn't doing enough to keep the powers at B happy. But how things change!

I am putting it all down to having settled in. I feel I am part of what is going on and that I have gained the trust of everyone in the church. I am quite excited about about things we are developing and about to start.

Bit of background - 4 services a week (2 Sunday am, Wed eve and Thursday lunch), 2 Churches. There are 3 full time and 1 part time (auxiliary) in the ministry team. I feel very much part of the team. It sounds like we are lucky to have so many of us and I acknowledge we are. But the potential is huge - there is so much to do and that could be done.

My supervisor and I have been working together on a regular once a month all age service. It's going well and I have a really good feeling that something is happening that is special.

I have another rather exciting project that the Kirk Session have agreed I can try. One of the concerns the church has at the moment is the litter and graffiti caused by people hanging around on the steps of the church. They are planning to erect railings as a way of protecting the building. My concern is the message this will send to the, predominately, young group of people that use the church steps. So I am working towards doing some outreach with this group. The plan being to start a discussion with them and, as away of breaking the ice, we are going to come out from the church with hot chocolate to serve to those on the steps. We will do this over a fixed number of weeks at the same time each week. My hope is that we can let the young people know that the church does not dislike them but that we have to do something to protect the fabric of the building. The church is in the middle of a pedestrian precinct and will always attract people to the steps. I have a dream of where this outreach could take us....but for now I am looking for volunteers to help me. I have one already - just need another 2. (one kind lady has volunteered to donate biscuits! lol)

As well as this project, I have been asked to be part of the core group for a stewardship campaign. This is an exciting opportunity to show the people of the town what the church is about and to celebrate what we do.

So you can see that I should not have had any fears of not having enough to do....lol...why was I worried? I just needed to give it time and settle in.

I am a Christian get me out of here!

Tomorrow morning, bright and early, I set of for one of the conferences I have to attend as a probationer minister. Normally I set off for these things quite enthusiastically, but for some reason not as excited as usual. Not sure why. I am looking forward to seeing everyone and catching up. Maybe it is the programme - although some of it looks really good. I think the main reason is the venue. Now don't get me wrong I have been to this place several times and it really is a beautiful old house in a lovely setting - but it always makes me feel hemmed in - almost claustrophobic.



We arrive tomorrow and leave on Friday afternoon - during that time we are kept quite busy from first thing til about 9.30pm. So the days are long and then we socialise - my fav bit it has to be said - and actually quite an important time. Getting to know my fellow probationers better (I have now known most of them for 3-4 years) is important - these are and will remain my colleagues and contemporaries in ministry.

It will be interesting to reflect at the end of the week - not sure how I will feel about it. But for now I need to get to bed...sleep may be at a premium this week!

Picture 'Friendly Pressure' by Geoff Grandfield www.geoffgrandfield.co.uk

One week on....

Well what have I to say? Not a lot really. I started probation one week ago and so far so good. Everybody has made me feel so welcome. AND they genuinely seem really happy to have me there! So far I have attended a Business Committee, Board and Session, been to mid week evening and lunchtime worship, been introduced to the congregation on Sunday, led a prayer and done a children's talk, made a start on updating my Church Law handbook (probationers past and present will tell you that this is no mean task - 8 years of updates!!! argh!!) and last night I went to the Guild Presbyterial Council meeting. So a gentle start as you can see - and I mean that sincerely. Aside from the 'work' I have met some really lovely people.

And this is where things get a little complicated. Because I am meeting so many new people I am petrified that I accidentally blank someone in the street. So just in case I do - I am smiling at everyone in the street, in the supermarket etc. I am sure Asda might start to get complaints about this weird woman grinning inanely at everyone, lol. But the thing is that I keep meeting people who recognise me but I have no idea who they are. I might vaguely recognise them but I have no idea where from! Like today in Asda - I meet this really lovely couple. The stopped to chat and were asking what I was doing now - they had seen my graduation in the paper and were full of praise. Now I do recognise them from somewhere but argh!!! I dont know where. AND they got my name right (Shuna not Shona) and even mentioned presbytery. Maybe tonight at Presbytery I will be able to work that one out!

Anyway smiling is good - it makes you feel better - paranoid but happy - thats me! lol