Air-Kissing in the North-East

The following is taken from a wee gem of a book I have bought and given to a few of my friends who recently were ordained and inducted into their first parishes. The book is a rather irreverent look at the Calvinistic nature of people in the North-East of Scotland. Some of it is funny, some of it brings back memories of phrases used by people no longer with us. The book is entitled "The Wee Book of Calvin - Air-Kissing in the North-East" by Bill Duncan. Enjoy these:

Are you Calvinist?

you are if:
1. You prefer travelling north to travelling south.
2. You remain unable, despite attending evening class, to greet acquaintances by air-kissing.
3. You fill a basinful of hot water to wash dishes, unwittingly allowing the water to become uncomfortably hot. You nevertheless close your eyes and plunge your hands and forearms into the scalding liquid, despite excessive heat and pain, mindful of your own responsibility and because to not do so would entail guilt.
4. You feel suddenly and unaccountably sad during moments of pleasure and relaxation with friends.
5. You prefer black and white to all other colour combinations, except black and black.
6. Your favourite confectionery product is 'Fisherman's Friend - Extra Strong.'
7. You recoil in lovemaking from experiencing those acts and sensations that you desire and enjoy most intensely.
8. You prefer saying No to Yes.

Recognise yourself in any of these? mmm...It is 500 years since the great man Jean Calvin was born.