Waiting......

Today I am waiting..........for the carpet people to arrive and fit my new bedroom carpet. It's one of those days when they could arrive any minute but 'certainly' before 5pm - or so they say. I get really frustrated by days like today. I am at home but cannot really relax. It's my day off - so I would like to start it soaking in the bath, reading my book and generally pottering around. But hey! can't do that - just incase the door bell goes. That said, its 10.20 and I am still in my dressing gown and under the duvet. The duvet being on the couch, where I had to sleep last night, having removed all the bedroom furniture in preparation for today. Lol

Guess I should really get dressed - but I am hanging onto the concept of it being MY day off!

The last seven weeks (since starting probation) have not been quite what I expected. I have spent it getting to know people, doing some worship leading, attended lots of meetings, been to a few school assemblies, done 'Vestry Hour', been to one retirement home, done a little hospital visiting, discussed theology, been to Sunday School, got involved with one of the church committees, been to a wedding, and sorted out my 'Learning & Serving Covenant' (thats the agreement as to what I will be doing for the next year.) I have even had my first payslip!! (and the money went in the bank!)

Listing the things I have done helps quite a bit - it helps me see what I have actually done. I have been 'eased' in very gently by my supervisor. Its not a parish where the ministry team whizz around at a great rate of knots. They work hard at a pace that's a lot slower than I had anticipated. I have said to people that they are teaching me how to be an effective minister without getting burned out. That said, for someone like me who tends to tear around at great speed, it's taking a bit of getting used to. I do see lots that could be done - 'could' being the word. I guess that is why I said earlier that it has not been just what I expected. I expected to be much busier. I thought my days would be fuller. But instead I find myself with a lot more freedom - and time to think! But I appreciate this time - I can reflect on what is going on and why, I can relax and take my time getting to know people properly, I can take my time in preparing for what I have to do properly. And I can also enjoy this time - because I know it will not always be like this! And that is the real point - why should your probationary year burn you out before you get a chance to start your ministry in a place of your own. It's is a time to watch and learn, to experience the ups and downs of parish ministry, to form your ideas, to reflect on what it is that God has called you to, its a time to adjust to the realities of being a minister - to get used to hearing that word being applied to yourself!

And all of it (all the above) is fab! I love it!

I am having it confirmed to me over an over that this is indeed what I have been called to do. It feels so right.

God's call is a mystery - the why me? the why now? How is it that I can feel excited but have an inner peace all at the same time? So many questions and yet, it feels so right.

Lord God,

your call is a mystery,

you have chosen me - me! for this time and this role.

thinking that through is awesome, scary even.

But that inner peace and the excitement I feel tells me it is right.

I lay my life before you - put it in your hands

And in doing so know that I have your love to support me

in the moments when doubts creep in, when I feel things are not going my way.

Ah those words - 'my way' - its not my way but your way.

Lord, my life is yours, take it and use it.

Amen

Photo courtesy of photographic genius Nick!